Coming Back Home

I started RictusNostalgia as a way of revisiting my past and learning to enjoy all the years of adventures I've had instead of lamenting all the time that is now sitting behind me. As the inevitable march time continues on, it can be easy to spend the time of the present lost in the memories of the past instead of enjoying the adventures left for you in the future. I'm now approaching 40 years old and regularly wonder what adventures might still be in front of me and what adventures have ended. This melancholy thought process can overtake my mind very quickly if I don't keep it in check. But, it also brought to a crossroads in my life that I never saw coming...

Late one cold, November night, I was enjoying an evening off work from my twelve hour night shifts. Lost in thought, bored of my PS5's virtual adventures, I turned to YouTube to get my mind onto a new subject. It was that night, that providence placed a man named Mike Schmitz in my path. I stumbled upon a video with the thumbnail of a Catholic Priest and the words "If You're Feeling Hopeless"...I listened to this man talk about the feelings of despair, helplessness, nothing matters... all the regular feelings I tried to drown out with distractions, bad habits, and giving in to emotional outbursts. But, what caught my attention wasn't that Father Mike seemed to know exactly what I was having so much trouble putting into words for my loved ones...it was how he started the video that kept me engaged. He simply stated "You are loved by God. It matters that you exist. It is good that you exist." Easy words to say, but something about how he said those words and the loving sincerity in his eyes made some of the weight in my mind lift as he said them. (There's a link to that video at the end of the post) I listened for the 9 minutes and 15 seconds as God spoke through this Priest and gave me the most powerful sense of peace and hope that I'd ever felt. It was incredible. I spent the rest of that night pouring through Father Mike's lengthy catalogue of videos, then I went to bed with a tempest of ideas, joy, hope, and desire to know more raging in my head.

During the following days and weeks, I continued to listen to Father Mike. My YouTube algorithm shifted from Pokémon and Minecraft videos to videos concerning God, religion, and the Catholic Church. I was sent to other great content creators like, Father David Michael Moses and Franciscan Father Casey. I had an insatiable thirst for learning that I hadn't felt since I was a teenager starting my college years. I reached out to one of my closest friends, who happened to be attending seminary school at the time, and started asking questions. The more we talked, the more passionate I became about needing to know more. That conversation inspired me to dive even deeper into my personal journey with God, and inspired my friend to start working on his first YouTube channel as Paladin Payne. I can't wait to see what he creates and to share it with all of you!

Now, with an inspired passion for reading my Bible and studying the various YouTube channels I'd found, I set myself to the task of resurrecting my relationship with God. I had attended a Methodist church as a child, but had drifted away from my faith in high school. During my college years and the years following, I drifted from church to church depending on what suited my lifestyle and who I was dating at the time. Nothing ever seemed to connect with me though. There was always some reason or some ideological difference that lead me to walk away. But now, I was on fire... God had ignited a passion in my heart in a way I'd never felt before. Soon, my wife noticed a change in me, as did my children. I explained what had happened in my heart and promised them I wouldn't force my beliefs on them if they didn't want to go with me on this journey. Furthermore, I informed them that I had taken a strong interest in the Catholic tradition and was going to try attending the local parish to see how it felt. I was shocked and delighted to hear my family all agree in that moment that they would attend with me. They wanted to pursue God as a family instead of having me go out on my own. It was a beautiful moment that we will all cherish for the rest of our lives. The moment our family came together and put God at the head of our lives.

The Sunday came, we all dressed respectably and made our way to the church. We were welcomed into an exceptionally beautiful sanctuary by people that recognized us with hugs and smiles. We were invited to sit with friends and were lead through our first experience with Mass. Afterwards, we were invited to join the congregation in the fellowship hall for coffee and donuts. As we sat at the table, being met with joyous new friends left and right, I asked my family a question... "Well, who wants to come back and make this our church?" I put my hand out over the table and waited. First was my wife's hand, then both children. I saw a tear welling up in my wife's eye and the most beautiful smiles on all of their faces. We were home... Now, I'll gladly share more about this journey we're on as a family in later posts. But, for now, we've been happily attending the local Catholic parish for the last few months and this feeling of being accepted and embraced by our congregation has grown each week. We just observed our first season of Lent and celebrated Easter with our new church family. I've found where I'm meant to be, my family has joined me there, God is now where He belongs: at the head of my family, and I wake up every day with joy and excitement for what I'm going to learn next in my spiritual journey...

And all thanks to God putting a man named Father Mike Schmitz in my path at the perfect moment and giving him the perfect message to open my heart back up. God's plan is amazing! He can truly write straight with crooked lines.

Now, I invite you to join my family in our journey back to God. All are welcome, regardless of faith, denomination, creed, or beliefs. We're all brothers and sisters in this world, and we can learn to find peace and love amongst ourselves. I will still be pursuing my retro-nerd blogging. But, as this site was founded on sharing my thoughts and passions with people, it seems only right to share this most important passion as well. God's blessings on you all, and peace be with you!

Father Mike's video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agaREyE41ew